Nasty Neighbors – How to Cope
We’ve all heard the crazy stories and seen the comedy movies, but when it’s the guy across the street that’s giving you grief, it’s no laughing matter. Your dream house can easily become a torture chamber when you’re living next door to the neighbor from hell. So how do you learn to deal with these undesirables? The easiest way is to try and avoid them altogether. Before you choose your new home, here are a few strategies you can use to scout out the area for potential problems.
Take the Nighttime Tour
Many house hunters make the mistake of only seeing their new neighborhood in the daylight before they buy. If you do a couple of drive-throughs during the evening or nighttime hours, you can identify issues in the making. Since most people work during the day, nighttime visits let you see how they behave when they’ve let their hair down at home. Are they loud, with the TV at full blast? Are there arguments you can hear down the block or an aspiring rock star practicing in the garage? Knowing what you may be up against can help you make important decisions.
Ask and You Shall Receive
Doing some investigating can also help. Walk the area during times when people are out and about. Introduce yourself and gently ask questions such as, “Hi, I’m thinking about buying a home down the street. What is the neighborhood like?” This friendly approach often works wonders. You can also talk to local store owners or browse online registries for known offenders. Don’t forget to check with the town clerk’s office. You can find out if a potential neighbor is building an addition, installing a pool, or planning other potentially noisy projects. You can also request police reports associated with the home’s address to see if there have been noise complaints, break-ins, vandalism, or other issues.
Most People Are Resistant to Change
If your potential neighbors have a messy, unkempt lawn every time you swing by, that’s probably always going to be an issue. If the dog three houses away is constantly barking, there may be little you can do to quiet him down. The house where all the kids gather is likely a long-standing fixture. If you see something that you know will drive you crazy, think twice about making the move.
BUT…
What happens when you’ve already purchased your house and discover you’re knee-deep with a problem neighbor? Communication—calm, respectful communication—is key. Always talk to your neighbor when you’ve had time to cool down. Never approach them mid-meltdown.
Dealing with Loud Neighbors
They may not realize they’re disturbing others. An older neighbor may be hard of hearing and unaware that you can hear their TV every night. A kind conversation might solve the problem.
Helping a Messy Neighbor
A neighbor with an overgrown lawn or peeling paint may be overwhelmed—working long hours, dealing with family challenges, or facing health issues. A problem-solving conversation can go a long way. You might suggest a local teen who can help with yard work or offer to mow their lawn while you’re already out taking care of yours.
Pets Causing Problems?
If their pets are using your yard as a bathroom, mention it politely and ask them to clean up after their animals. A small gift—like a roll of disposable doggie bags—can help reinforce the message.
Nosy or Invasive Neighbors
Be polite but brief. Give them a few minutes of conversation, but avoid gossip and keep personal details to yourself. A simple, “I’m sorry, I promised to call my mom,” or “I have to pick up my daughter shortly—can we talk later?” works well.
Property Line Disputes
Walk the area together and try to agree on boundaries. If you can’t come to an understanding, consider a professional survey to settle the issue once and for all.
What if These Tactics Don’t Work?
If you live in a community with a homeowner’s association, it can be your best ally. Know the HOA rules and file a complaint if your neighbor is violating them. Many HOAs keep complaints anonymous.
If your neighborhood does not have an HOA, know your local ordinances. Start with a polite written letter or email outlining the issue. If that fails, consider hiring a professional mediator. You can find one by contacting the courthouse, police precinct, local bar association, or the National Association of Community Mediation.
If necessary, you may file a non-emergency police complaint. Keep detailed notes or photos of incidents to document the issue. This approach could resolve the matter but may damage the relationship beyond repair—so treat this as a last resort.
If all else fails, you may consider taking your case to court. Before doing so, talk discreetly with other neighbors to see if they’ve had similar issues. There’s strength in numbers.
Remember: most neighbors aren’t difficult out of malice. Many are struggling with challenges you may not see. Approaching the situation with empathy and offering solutions is often the best path—not just to resolving the issue, but to becoming a great neighbor yourself.
